Happy Birthday Blog!!! <3 :D
SO, one year of My Life In Israel! This is honestly amazing! I didn't think Id get this far let alone 65 posts!.
This past year has been very up and downy. Mostly downy but those up moments made it one of the best years ever.
The down moments made the year worth while for everything I've learned.
To sum up the year(and a half) I left my family, friends, dogs, everything I know for a year at Tel Aviv University. Sometimes I feel as though I left for Israel for someone rather then myself. You know, maybe a part of me did but I don't think I regret it.
The start of May is why the blog started and it was the army. Israel Defense Forces. It has definitely been one of the most trying and hardest parts of my life. I've been homeless and helpless and then got the worst heartbreak of my entire life to add on top of it all. At times I felt so worthless and like such a failure. I was constantly asking myself "Why am I even here?" "Why would I put myself through this? How could I have to this country and join the army only to be alone?" "Wow, I really fucked myself over more ways then one."
Then there were times where I just felt so happy and so amazing. My questions would be the exact opposite.
I learned quite alot I must say.
As hard as it is to believe everyone all over the world are the same. We all talk about how different we are but we aren't we are all the same (in good and bad ways). There is still good left in the world and I am so grateful for that. Humans can be so cruel for no reason but we can also be so kind and loving.
I've definitely learned that I am alot stronger then I look and feel. I know now that I can take what ever is given to me just as well I can give it. I need to be more stern and be more of a taker rather then constantly giving.
In short, I need to accept me and be me. I can't keep worrying about what other people think of me.
I worked hard to where I am at. I can't let them get me down. It's true I don't know why I'm here, what my purpose is, and what I'm doing but who does? I just need to take it slow. Each day at a time. It's the best way to learn.
I started off as just some american dating an Israeli to a Corporal in the Israeli Army. I need to post photos of that. Which I will buhhlieeeeeve me I will.
I went from studying and living in a dorm room to being homeless to now having my own apartment. (I've also learned that I would much rather live alone then with people. So I'm thinking of what I should do in the future now)
I've also learned how to survive heartbreak alone with out friends or family to help you through it. To be honest that was the hardest thing ever. Sometimes it still is. But I know that I'm not the same person I was when I started. I don't need him to survive. I've proven to myself that I don't need anyone but me. Sure it feels great to know you're not alone, but you can't always count on someone else. You need to learn to be happy with you first.
As much as I miss having that special someone maybe it's better that I don't. I can't survive depending on others.
The army has been crazy and challenging in all aspects of the word. From emotional to physical to psychological to wallet wise.
I like that everyone got to see and read about it. I don't have it as bad as other people. Im really lucky. I may be alone but I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, a place to sleep, and friends in this country and I know that I did it all by myself. I'm a surviver and a fighter. I proved that and will continue to keep proving it for as long as I have to.
I went from Basic training to working in the armory to now be a secretary to the L.C. of the Education unit. I also found out that he has ALOT to do with Michve Alon and Lone Soldiers. I am VERY lucky to have him as my commander.
I love the new job I have. I am so much more happier now. I have more friends and I look forward to being there everyday. I love the people Im with. Everyone is telling me how much happier I look and how much better it is for me here and you know what they are right.
I'm really sick right now which is why I didn't post yesterday on the actual 1 year date. I was in the horrid bikur rofe with a non-english speaking doctor who couldn't hear me when I speak because of how sick I am. I also left base early. I didn't leave because I wanted to. I left because they told me to go. That is how much I love being on base now. I stay later then I need too and I do things I don't need to do. I genuinely enjoy being there. I don't want it to end. I can only wait and see what will happen in August when everything changes. I guess that will be quite an update as well.
So the next blog should be photos of my Rabat/Corporal stripes or I don't know what.
You'll find out soon.
Thanks for reading and sticking it out with me! <3
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