Kibbutz Givat Haim.

Sooo where to begin... hmm.... The kibbutz. Its outside of Hadera. About the only thing right with it was the fact that Hadera is somewhat related to it.
I get kibbutz arent top notch. Not once did I ask or say I want top notch. I said I wanted a place very close to Or Akiva, Caesarea, Hadera region.
The room was fine smelt a little bad but what ever. I can change that. The people were nice. But to be honest I said from the very beginning I didnt want a kibbutz for obvious reasons. Mainly the fact that buses are no where near the kibbutz and I didnt want to be adopted and taken care of by a bunch of people I dont know. Yeah the positive is it doesnt cost me any money. Thats about it. Id get have a bed and it wont cost anything.
I need someone to drive me everywhere. Thats including to eat in the Food Room. Fun.
So I told the Mishakitash yes. Because I really dont have a choice. Fun. She asked when I can move in, I answered it saying maybe thursday.
I go back to base. I get sick. Fun.
Monday worst day ever. So sick to the point where I cant stand. I got to the hospital late at night. Had a very bad bad panic attack to where they hooked me up to a ventilator so I could breath. They told me go to the isolation room till 9am the next day. 9am I go back to the doctor. I have isolation room till 3. Then at 3 back to the doctors where they tell me to go home.
Wednesday and Thursday Yom Sidurim I start my aliyah process. Friday I go to the doctor. He says Im too over worked, over stressed, and over tired.
Oh yeah what was it that I forgot. Oh yes! Me and the kibbutz! The mishakitash told my commander(mefakedet) that I said no to the kibbutz. Fun fucking shit. Fun Fucking shit.
Fuck this bullshit. Im seriously done now. This is just bullshit. Fuck it all. Like honestly, is it because Im American? Sorry but not all Jews are rich and not all Americans are rich either. Yeah fucking great. Help only the french and the russians because americans dont need it. Im fucking done with this bullshit. I cant take it anymore.
My life is officially falling apart from all angles. You name it. Its happened. So what the fuck ever.