Now this blog for me is rather difficult to write. But I think as a female in the army it is important and crucial to bring this subject up. I haven't really seen too much of this issue anywhere. I feel like it is one that no one really wants to talk about. It's also very difficult to talk about. Writing this blog is a very very big step for me. Im not looking for responses back. I just ask that you read it and think about it.
This subject being SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
For me this is a very touchy subject. I have been a victim of harassment and molestation in high school. What pains me more now is that I can now say Im a victim of it in the army. I feel like this is an international problem that is never brought up because people are too scared.
You have to ask questions like "Was she teasing you?" "Did she ever say stop, please dont touch me?" "Please don't say those things to me?" "Please leave me alone?" How can one justify who's telling the truth or now. How can one justify if one is just crying "Wolf" for revenge out of anger? One can't.
Also it is not only females who are victims but yes as surprising as it is, males can be too. We can be just as cruel and malicious as they are.
When one makes steps towards stopping such actions against oneself from someone else, they tend to get harassed from the accused friends/family. It makes things that much harder. This isnt a subject that everyone wants to be made public. No one wants the scrutiny of people knowing. The subject of sex is already such a private matter that this makes it even worse. It makes the victim feel horrible, disgusting, betrayed, violated and so many other things as well as frightened and alone.
You can't stop someone from looking at you. You can say something but that just provokes them even more. You cant be nice about it- they think you won't mean it. You can't be forceful and mean about it- then they see it as a game and they get embarrassed and then want to gain their dignity back and fix their ego. It also makes a big scene. I have tried both ways of dealing with. There is no correct way. But how far is too far? How far are we willing to let people get away with such despicable actions? Since high school my life has been forever changed with the fear of men. Including those my age and those younger. It forever alters your way of thinking.
I came to Israel not expecting such actions but I was foolish to think that this subject is just in America. My situation is being taken care of with the proper authorities. I tried dealing with it myself when it was just words. The moment it got worse to where this person tried to touch me I went to the proper authorities. I felt that this was an important issue that needed to take notice.
I understand I can't stop people from staring. I can't stop them from yelling things at me and puckering their lips and whistling at me. For me this does make me uncomfortable. Im not used to such attention. It is also unwanted. I can tell them to stop but that wont do anything. This isn't an issue that will go away either. Until life ceases to exist it will be a problem. But maybe we can make it somewhat more bearable to deal with. Nobody realizes how it will truly affect you until you become a victim yourself. As I said previously your mind is forever altered. Your trust with people are forever altered. It haunts you forever. Everything about you is different. I have had such relationship issues that it makes me hard to open up to anyone of the opposite sex. It makes it that much harder to just have a normal relationship. To wonder "why is this man with me?" "Does he like me for me or does he think Im easy?" It makes you scared and it makes you want to hide(Kind of what Im doing now. Hiding in my room writing this blog just so I dont have to have the chance to run into him or his friends). It makes you want to be alone when thats the last feeling you want to feel. When you need someone the most. But what if youre being harassed by a member of the opposite sex and you want to run to the person who you trust the most and feel the safest with? What if that person is also a member of the opposite sex? How do you stop the feelings that come up of disgust? The sex that hurt you the most is also the sex that you trust the most. What do you do? Who do you turn to? How do you make the feelings go away? How can you help yourself and hopefully help others? Thats why I want everyone who reads this blog to think about this situation. How can people feel so victimized and scared? How can we help them? What I have to say is you arent alone. There are millions of us out there who all feel this way. We are all too scared and nervous to say something and do something. We don't want the drama and the after affects. We think by ignoring it, it will go away. It wont. YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP AND SAY SOMETHING.
Thanks for your time and remember to the victims who may read this- You arent alone.
03 September 2010
The week of August 29th- September2, 2010.
Okay so as many of you know August 29th I was in Jerusalem at NBN Headquarters for Aliyah.
Monday I returned to Mdor Nahal. My katzin told me I have an interview on tuesday at 11am.
I had to go to none other then Michve Alon! The base I was just at for 3 months! This time to be an Rarasap. Pronounced: Are ah sap. Basically its a logistic job. You are in charge of all the equipment. Not hard I can do that. Oh yeah except for the part where you bitch out all the soldiers in tironut. I kinda wish I got that job. Woulda been fun to go back to Michve Alon and return with so much power. Damn my hebrew. My hebrew is good just not good enough. I needed just a smidge higher. Just a smidge and I would have been set. Dammit. Oh well. You live and you learn.
So Wednesday I return to Mdor Nahal where my katzin tells me I have an interview as an IDF Spokesperson. They need fluent english speakers. Cool huh? I know. I was super excited for this interview. It was in the kiriah. The kiriah is like the pentagon of the Israel. Nice place too. It was beautiful.
So my interview was at 930. I was told to get there around 910. I figured with all the security I would go a bit earlier. I got there around 830 and waited for a little bit. Around 845 I was called in for my interview. Honestly Ive never been so disrespected in my life. This whole interview felt like a gigantic slap in the face. I was royally pissed off. The girls in that unit were not only lazy and childish (probably trying to act cute for the guys in that unit who couldnt even stand them) but rude. The moment they see a new person they start getting territorial and bitchy. It was honestly ridiculous. Im sorry but when did we enter back into grade school and leave the army?
So anyway my interviewer sends me to the photography/film unit of IDF Spokesperson. He asks some questions and asks what I want to do in the army. I tell him I want to be with people and help them. His response here is a job for you. How would you like to be the photography archiver. You deal with people who want to buy the photos and you make sure they are clean. How does that sound? You like it? My response was yes and no. He asked why no. And naturally I said because its not with people. Im not helping people.
So he told me of a bunch of other job interviews in the IDF Spokesperson Unit that I "would just be perfect for". So I had to return back to the kiriah. So Im walking out of that building by 947 and I make it back to the kiriah a little before 10 where I wait till 1pm. One the officer left. When I finally got in touch with her- she told me shed be back in a few minutes. 2 hours later there is a lower ranking officer telling me to go home and there are no jobs for me here. After I left I get a phone call. A missed call to be more precise. Apparently they dont know Im gone. So yay. There goes job chances. I try calling my katzin but hes busy and doesnt answer. So now I return on Sunday starting all over. Honestly it sucks. I feel so... I dont know the words. It like Im not good enough. Im not useful. I feel annoying and like a failure. How can I possibly get a job if no one is willing to give me a chance? No one wants to hear it either? "Oh youre from New York and arent fluent yet? Bye." I feel bad to my katzin for me constantly going back there. I know Im running out of possible jobs but I also know that Im not going to get the job I want. Im not being picky at all. I just want a job. Maybe I should have said yes to the sitting in a room by myself and cleaning photos? How bad could it be? At least Id have a job.
So around 4, I had an outside the army job interview for a lawyer firm who needed an english speaker. I probably didn't get it because he needed someone who is also fluent in hebrew.
But what made my night and made me feel so much better was the fact that I went to TAU and was able to pick up one of my suitcases. I have different clothes. I dont have to wear the same clothes every weekend now. Im so happy. I still have more to pick up. I pretty much left everything I own there... hence why I need a place to live. We aren't allowed to have furniture in the beit hahayel. Im gonna ask if one or two small storage units are allowed. I kinda need them. My suitcases take up so much room. :(
Also I found out today(September 3) that it is okay to get a pet goldfish. :D AWESOME! I WANT ONE!!! <3
Monday I returned to Mdor Nahal. My katzin told me I have an interview on tuesday at 11am.
I had to go to none other then Michve Alon! The base I was just at for 3 months! This time to be an Rarasap. Pronounced: Are ah sap. Basically its a logistic job. You are in charge of all the equipment. Not hard I can do that. Oh yeah except for the part where you bitch out all the soldiers in tironut. I kinda wish I got that job. Woulda been fun to go back to Michve Alon and return with so much power. Damn my hebrew. My hebrew is good just not good enough. I needed just a smidge higher. Just a smidge and I would have been set. Dammit. Oh well. You live and you learn.
So Wednesday I return to Mdor Nahal where my katzin tells me I have an interview as an IDF Spokesperson. They need fluent english speakers. Cool huh? I know. I was super excited for this interview. It was in the kiriah. The kiriah is like the pentagon of the Israel. Nice place too. It was beautiful.
So my interview was at 930. I was told to get there around 910. I figured with all the security I would go a bit earlier. I got there around 830 and waited for a little bit. Around 845 I was called in for my interview. Honestly Ive never been so disrespected in my life. This whole interview felt like a gigantic slap in the face. I was royally pissed off. The girls in that unit were not only lazy and childish (probably trying to act cute for the guys in that unit who couldnt even stand them) but rude. The moment they see a new person they start getting territorial and bitchy. It was honestly ridiculous. Im sorry but when did we enter back into grade school and leave the army?
So anyway my interviewer sends me to the photography/film unit of IDF Spokesperson. He asks some questions and asks what I want to do in the army. I tell him I want to be with people and help them. His response here is a job for you. How would you like to be the photography archiver. You deal with people who want to buy the photos and you make sure they are clean. How does that sound? You like it? My response was yes and no. He asked why no. And naturally I said because its not with people. Im not helping people.
So he told me of a bunch of other job interviews in the IDF Spokesperson Unit that I "would just be perfect for". So I had to return back to the kiriah. So Im walking out of that building by 947 and I make it back to the kiriah a little before 10 where I wait till 1pm. One the officer left. When I finally got in touch with her- she told me shed be back in a few minutes. 2 hours later there is a lower ranking officer telling me to go home and there are no jobs for me here. After I left I get a phone call. A missed call to be more precise. Apparently they dont know Im gone. So yay. There goes job chances. I try calling my katzin but hes busy and doesnt answer. So now I return on Sunday starting all over. Honestly it sucks. I feel so... I dont know the words. It like Im not good enough. Im not useful. I feel annoying and like a failure. How can I possibly get a job if no one is willing to give me a chance? No one wants to hear it either? "Oh youre from New York and arent fluent yet? Bye." I feel bad to my katzin for me constantly going back there. I know Im running out of possible jobs but I also know that Im not going to get the job I want. Im not being picky at all. I just want a job. Maybe I should have said yes to the sitting in a room by myself and cleaning photos? How bad could it be? At least Id have a job.
So around 4, I had an outside the army job interview for a lawyer firm who needed an english speaker. I probably didn't get it because he needed someone who is also fluent in hebrew.
But what made my night and made me feel so much better was the fact that I went to TAU and was able to pick up one of my suitcases. I have different clothes. I dont have to wear the same clothes every weekend now. Im so happy. I still have more to pick up. I pretty much left everything I own there... hence why I need a place to live. We aren't allowed to have furniture in the beit hahayel. Im gonna ask if one or two small storage units are allowed. I kinda need them. My suitcases take up so much room. :(
Also I found out today(September 3) that it is okay to get a pet goldfish. :D AWESOME! I WANT ONE!!! <3
Aliyah
So on Sunday, August 29th 2010 I had my meeting with Misrad Hapnim. I made aliyah. I almost didnt make it.
Come on you guys should have an idea of me about now. Of course some form of adventure happened. :P
Well when you have your meeting with Misrad Hapnim you need to bring the following:
1. birth certificate
2. passport (very important. they need it and end up taking it from you)
3. Proof of Judaism Letter(and if you want the proof. the proof isn't needed if you have the letter)
4. Any other documents that they tell you to bring.
My meeting was scheduled for 1215. I got there early. 1144 am to be exact. I was so excited but at the same time I had no idea what to expect.
I got there and there was a whole bunch of chairs set up. There was a food table and a table that you had to sign in on. There were so many different kinds of people. There were 2 hassidic boys and 2 club type guys( you know the men with the tight flashy dress shirts and the nice jean pants who smoke kinda like guidos... guidos seems like a better description) an orthodox family and also an elderly couple who felt like they were in their 20s/30s.
In the folder, Nefesh B'Nefesh has a few pages of information. They have a worker come look it over with you and explain everything in depth with you also what applies to you and what doesn't. It also tells you what is needed for the Misrad Hapnim meeting. Nefesh B'Nefesh calls you a week ahead of time and tells you as well.
So I got there at 1144 am as previously mentioned above sat down with Ellie. Ellie is an awesome woman. She's the girl with all the IDF knowledge. She went through everything with me. At the end she asked me if I had any questions. I did... "Is it necessary that I need my passport?"... yup. I did it. That's what I forgot. My passport. Woops? hehe... So yeah turns out you cant make aliyah without it. We came up with the conclusion that i have until 2pm to go get my passport, return back to NBN Headquarters and make Aliyah. If I do not make it back before 2(which is when the meeting is over) I have to wait till next month. So I ran out of there at 1159. Got a taxi to Jerusalem Central Bus Station then the first bus to Tel Aviv. The ride from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem or Jerusalem to Tel Aviv is approximately one hour. It can take more time depending on the traffic(I once had a bus ride take 2 hours almost 3). I made it back at 1259. That is called amazing time. I then with no other choice got a taxi to the Beit Hahayal(Soldier House aka where I live) got my passport and then took the taxi back to the NBN Headquarters in Jerusalem. I made it with 5 minutes left. I got there at 155pm. I then found out that other people were late so they extended it to 3pm so by default I still had time.
So in the actual meeting with Misrad Hapnim they just have you sign some papers and take your passport. That's it. Then they tell you they will call you in a week. It takes 10 minutes maximum. So now that's all folks on my aliyah adventure. :)
Come on you guys should have an idea of me about now. Of course some form of adventure happened. :P
Well when you have your meeting with Misrad Hapnim you need to bring the following:
1. birth certificate
2. passport (very important. they need it and end up taking it from you)
3. Proof of Judaism Letter(and if you want the proof. the proof isn't needed if you have the letter)
4. Any other documents that they tell you to bring.
My meeting was scheduled for 1215. I got there early. 1144 am to be exact. I was so excited but at the same time I had no idea what to expect.
I got there and there was a whole bunch of chairs set up. There was a food table and a table that you had to sign in on. There were so many different kinds of people. There were 2 hassidic boys and 2 club type guys( you know the men with the tight flashy dress shirts and the nice jean pants who smoke kinda like guidos... guidos seems like a better description) an orthodox family and also an elderly couple who felt like they were in their 20s/30s.
In the folder, Nefesh B'Nefesh has a few pages of information. They have a worker come look it over with you and explain everything in depth with you also what applies to you and what doesn't. It also tells you what is needed for the Misrad Hapnim meeting. Nefesh B'Nefesh calls you a week ahead of time and tells you as well.
So I got there at 1144 am as previously mentioned above sat down with Ellie. Ellie is an awesome woman. She's the girl with all the IDF knowledge. She went through everything with me. At the end she asked me if I had any questions. I did... "Is it necessary that I need my passport?"... yup. I did it. That's what I forgot. My passport. Woops? hehe... So yeah turns out you cant make aliyah without it. We came up with the conclusion that i have until 2pm to go get my passport, return back to NBN Headquarters and make Aliyah. If I do not make it back before 2(which is when the meeting is over) I have to wait till next month. So I ran out of there at 1159. Got a taxi to Jerusalem Central Bus Station then the first bus to Tel Aviv. The ride from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem or Jerusalem to Tel Aviv is approximately one hour. It can take more time depending on the traffic(I once had a bus ride take 2 hours almost 3). I made it back at 1259. That is called amazing time. I then with no other choice got a taxi to the Beit Hahayal(Soldier House aka where I live) got my passport and then took the taxi back to the NBN Headquarters in Jerusalem. I made it with 5 minutes left. I got there at 155pm. I then found out that other people were late so they extended it to 3pm so by default I still had time.
So in the actual meeting with Misrad Hapnim they just have you sign some papers and take your passport. That's it. Then they tell you they will call you in a week. It takes 10 minutes maximum. So now that's all folks on my aliyah adventure. :)
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