Now this blog for me is rather difficult to write. But I think as a female in the army it is important and crucial to bring this subject up. I haven't really seen too much of this issue anywhere. I feel like it is one that no one really wants to talk about. It's also very difficult to talk about. Writing this blog is a very very big step for me. Im not looking for responses back. I just ask that you read it and think about it.
This subject being SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
For me this is a very touchy subject. I have been a victim of harassment and molestation in high school. What pains me more now is that I can now say Im a victim of it in the army. I feel like this is an international problem that is never brought up because people are too scared.
You have to ask questions like "Was she teasing you?" "Did she ever say stop, please dont touch me?" "Please don't say those things to me?" "Please leave me alone?" How can one justify who's telling the truth or now. How can one justify if one is just crying "Wolf" for revenge out of anger? One can't.
Also it is not only females who are victims but yes as surprising as it is, males can be too. We can be just as cruel and malicious as they are.
When one makes steps towards stopping such actions against oneself from someone else, they tend to get harassed from the accused friends/family. It makes things that much harder. This isnt a subject that everyone wants to be made public. No one wants the scrutiny of people knowing. The subject of sex is already such a private matter that this makes it even worse. It makes the victim feel horrible, disgusting, betrayed, violated and so many other things as well as frightened and alone.
You can't stop someone from looking at you. You can say something but that just provokes them even more. You cant be nice about it- they think you won't mean it. You can't be forceful and mean about it- then they see it as a game and they get embarrassed and then want to gain their dignity back and fix their ego. It also makes a big scene. I have tried both ways of dealing with. There is no correct way. But how far is too far? How far are we willing to let people get away with such despicable actions? Since high school my life has been forever changed with the fear of men. Including those my age and those younger. It forever alters your way of thinking.
I came to Israel not expecting such actions but I was foolish to think that this subject is just in America. My situation is being taken care of with the proper authorities. I tried dealing with it myself when it was just words. The moment it got worse to where this person tried to touch me I went to the proper authorities. I felt that this was an important issue that needed to take notice.
I understand I can't stop people from staring. I can't stop them from yelling things at me and puckering their lips and whistling at me. For me this does make me uncomfortable. Im not used to such attention. It is also unwanted. I can tell them to stop but that wont do anything. This isn't an issue that will go away either. Until life ceases to exist it will be a problem. But maybe we can make it somewhat more bearable to deal with. Nobody realizes how it will truly affect you until you become a victim yourself. As I said previously your mind is forever altered. Your trust with people are forever altered. It haunts you forever. Everything about you is different. I have had such relationship issues that it makes me hard to open up to anyone of the opposite sex. It makes it that much harder to just have a normal relationship. To wonder "why is this man with me?" "Does he like me for me or does he think Im easy?" It makes you scared and it makes you want to hide(Kind of what Im doing now. Hiding in my room writing this blog just so I dont have to have the chance to run into him or his friends). It makes you want to be alone when thats the last feeling you want to feel. When you need someone the most. But what if youre being harassed by a member of the opposite sex and you want to run to the person who you trust the most and feel the safest with? What if that person is also a member of the opposite sex? How do you stop the feelings that come up of disgust? The sex that hurt you the most is also the sex that you trust the most. What do you do? Who do you turn to? How do you make the feelings go away? How can you help yourself and hopefully help others? Thats why I want everyone who reads this blog to think about this situation. How can people feel so victimized and scared? How can we help them? What I have to say is you arent alone. There are millions of us out there who all feel this way. We are all too scared and nervous to say something and do something. We don't want the drama and the after affects. We think by ignoring it, it will go away. It wont. YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP AND SAY SOMETHING.
Thanks for your time and remember to the victims who may read this- You arent alone.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
03 September 2010
25 April 2010
My Official Enlistment Party! :D
We had the party at Mike's Place. Mike's Place is a bar/grill type place. It's an over all great place to be.
Having the party at 830 was a much better time than 5. Also having it on thursday was so much better then a Friday.
This is of my friend Rebecca and I. I love this picture. PC: Sam :)My friends showed up and everyone got along great. The food was fantastic.
We stayed there until 12/1230am. Then we all split into groups and left. First we all made a pitstop at McDonalds since some of friends decided to show up when we were leaving. We stopped at McDonalds for an hour then went back to the dorms.
At the dorms we spent about 2 or 3 hours talking and smoking Nargila on Sam's balcony we went to bed at 3/30 am. It was a great success. Nargila is the hebrew word for Hookah.
Okay guys till next time.
07 April 2010
Mahal IDF: Signing Up. My Firsthand Account.
Hey guyssss!!!! What's up?
Okay so I've been saying Im a Chayal Boded. And people who send me messages on facebook and in person ask how exactly I came to do this. As a result Im going to write about it in a blog post :)
This is the actual steps I went through. People my have different experiences. For one most volunteers are men. Me, Im obviously not. So this will be different then what most volunteers go through. Please don't think that it is always like this.
Firstly I studied the Mahal website (http://www.mahal-idf-volunteers.org/index.html) like there was no tomorrow. For months I did research... LOTS of research. I was going through website after website. Talking to so many people. I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. I HATE doing things blindly. I can be impulsive and like to do things without thinking it through but this was just too big to mess up.
So after reading the website for a final time BEFORE filling out the email registration form I thought long and hard for about 2 or 3 days. Literally. I left my computer on day and night so I wouldnt have to keep filling it out.
The email registration form isn't actually an official registration, it only says that you are interested. Within a day(Much quicker then i was led to believe) I got an email back explaining the qualifications and if I qualified. I did. Then I got another email with a bunch of steps. I had a medical form to fill out. I had to get a proof of Judaism letter that was signed by my rabbi. I also needed my birth certificate and my passport. Your passport has to be valid for at least 2 years after the desired enlistment date. On the top of the Procedure Email I received it had the dates for an enlistment with Ulpan and an enlistment without Ulpan. I chose with Ulpan. Its May 5.
I went to my doctor and him fill out the medical form. Easy enough. Getting the letter was slightly difficult. The temple in my town keeps changing rabbis. :( Frustrating. I sent an email asking if I should get an email from the present rabbi or the one who knows me best. I was told to try and get the letter from Rabbi Sternstein, the one who knows me best. The problem with this would be one he lives in Upstate New York and its January/February.... middle of blizzards. Even sent overnight it took 4 days to just get to his house due to the stormy weather conditions.
So, unfortunately I didn't get the letter until a week after my meeting with Mahal.
I had to leave for Israel. I made my appointment with Mahal and a few days before I left I realized I couldn't find my medical form! Ahhh!! The drama. My mom said she'd send it with the Jewish letter. I got it a week later so it was okay.
I finally got my meeting with Mahal(You have to schedule the appointment yourself). It was VERY nerve wracking to say the least. The soldier in charge of Mahal accidently told me the wrong room. woops. No biggy. He was on the phone for a looong time anyway. So we talked for a little bit. He told me a bit of whats going to happen. I will most likely be in the troop Nachal (http://dover.idf.il/IDF/English/units/forces/ground/infantry/nachal/default.htm). The army will find me a place to live, most likely an apartment, and after a year I get to go back to America for a month. He also talked about the benefits of Chayal Boded. He gave me official forms to sign and photocopied my passport. Silly me marked the wrong track. I accidently checked the Short Term Haredi Path. Thats for only religious men. Not me. At all. But its okay he fixed it.
Then Shaked( Yeah by the way thats the soldier in charge of Mahal) printed out my visa extension permission form and gave me a paper with more steps to follow. When I received my Medical form and Jewish Letter I had to go the Jewish Agency. At the Jewish Agency I had to get my Jewish Letter signed. Sounds easy enough. The person I needed to sign it didn't speak english. She spoke spanish. You would think that the Jewish Agency would speak english also. Guess not. But I was thanking my lucky starts I took spanish classes in middle school and high school. I've been forgetting it since coming to Israel and learning hebrew. Im glad I was able to remember some of it.
After the letter was signed(the process took about an hour maybe less) my next step was visa extension. I went the next day. I found when going to the Ministry of Interior, it's best to go an hour before it opens. So 7 am gets you a good spot online. I waited for an hour then finally got in. I was the first person to be helped but the person next to me needed help. So they helped her since she was fussing and they figured it'd be better to get her out of there. After 5 minutes of my actual process I had my visa extended for 2 years. I thought it was awesome since they extended it for free! FREE! So cool. Usually a student visa for one semester is 150 shekels. For multiple entry student visa its 300 shekels. I got this 2 year extension for free. Love it.
After I finished the visa and letter, I photocopied the visa and faxed everything over to Shaked. I didn't hear back from him, so I called him and was like "whatsa goin on?"(not really. i just asked if he got it) Turns out he lost it. So that set me back a week. I faxed it again immediately after talking to him, called him again this time he said he got it. I was about 2 minutes late for my midterm. Now alls I had to do was wait for a phone call from someone named Ofer. So almost a month has passed and nothing. The Mahal Email isn't working. They aren't answering their phones. Fun. Great. Just what I wanted. Well I finally got in touch with Shaked today. Only took like forever. He was shocked that I haven't heard from Ofer yet so now I'm waiting for a phone call from Ofer. So now that's all I can do is wait. If I dont hear from him by Sunday Im calling again on Sunday. I also found out that they don't give me a place to live until my draft date. So far Im good. I have the dorms. Im set until then. My enlistment party will happen before I even find out when my tests are told!
My Enlistment Party is on Friday!!! Im so excited. Im also very nervous. Yesterday David said he might not be able to make it due to the army. Bummer dude, seriously. He said he is going to do what ever he can to come. I really hope he can make it. I'd love for him to be there with me. He will get to meet the friends I have at Tel Aviv University and my other Israeli friends. His friends- who are super cool by the way- are coming. Im excited. They are awesome. I will post pictures from the party on a blog post specifically for the party.
Till then dudes, I need to make some food. Im hungry.
Okay so I've been saying Im a Chayal Boded. And people who send me messages on facebook and in person ask how exactly I came to do this. As a result Im going to write about it in a blog post :)
This is the actual steps I went through. People my have different experiences. For one most volunteers are men. Me, Im obviously not. So this will be different then what most volunteers go through. Please don't think that it is always like this.
Firstly I studied the Mahal website (http://www.mahal-idf-volunteers.org/index.html) like there was no tomorrow. For months I did research... LOTS of research. I was going through website after website. Talking to so many people. I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. I HATE doing things blindly. I can be impulsive and like to do things without thinking it through but this was just too big to mess up.
So after reading the website for a final time BEFORE filling out the email registration form I thought long and hard for about 2 or 3 days. Literally. I left my computer on day and night so I wouldnt have to keep filling it out.
The email registration form isn't actually an official registration, it only says that you are interested. Within a day(Much quicker then i was led to believe) I got an email back explaining the qualifications and if I qualified. I did. Then I got another email with a bunch of steps. I had a medical form to fill out. I had to get a proof of Judaism letter that was signed by my rabbi. I also needed my birth certificate and my passport. Your passport has to be valid for at least 2 years after the desired enlistment date. On the top of the Procedure Email I received it had the dates for an enlistment with Ulpan and an enlistment without Ulpan. I chose with Ulpan. Its May 5.
I went to my doctor and him fill out the medical form. Easy enough. Getting the letter was slightly difficult. The temple in my town keeps changing rabbis. :( Frustrating. I sent an email asking if I should get an email from the present rabbi or the one who knows me best. I was told to try and get the letter from Rabbi Sternstein, the one who knows me best. The problem with this would be one he lives in Upstate New York and its January/February.... middle of blizzards. Even sent overnight it took 4 days to just get to his house due to the stormy weather conditions.
So, unfortunately I didn't get the letter until a week after my meeting with Mahal.
I had to leave for Israel. I made my appointment with Mahal and a few days before I left I realized I couldn't find my medical form! Ahhh!! The drama. My mom said she'd send it with the Jewish letter. I got it a week later so it was okay.
I finally got my meeting with Mahal(You have to schedule the appointment yourself). It was VERY nerve wracking to say the least. The soldier in charge of Mahal accidently told me the wrong room. woops. No biggy. He was on the phone for a looong time anyway. So we talked for a little bit. He told me a bit of whats going to happen. I will most likely be in the troop Nachal (http://dover.idf.il/IDF/English/units/forces/ground/infantry/nachal/default.htm). The army will find me a place to live, most likely an apartment, and after a year I get to go back to America for a month. He also talked about the benefits of Chayal Boded. He gave me official forms to sign and photocopied my passport. Silly me marked the wrong track. I accidently checked the Short Term Haredi Path. Thats for only religious men. Not me. At all. But its okay he fixed it.
Then Shaked( Yeah by the way thats the soldier in charge of Mahal) printed out my visa extension permission form and gave me a paper with more steps to follow. When I received my Medical form and Jewish Letter I had to go the Jewish Agency. At the Jewish Agency I had to get my Jewish Letter signed. Sounds easy enough. The person I needed to sign it didn't speak english. She spoke spanish. You would think that the Jewish Agency would speak english also. Guess not. But I was thanking my lucky starts I took spanish classes in middle school and high school. I've been forgetting it since coming to Israel and learning hebrew. Im glad I was able to remember some of it.
After the letter was signed(the process took about an hour maybe less) my next step was visa extension. I went the next day. I found when going to the Ministry of Interior, it's best to go an hour before it opens. So 7 am gets you a good spot online. I waited for an hour then finally got in. I was the first person to be helped but the person next to me needed help. So they helped her since she was fussing and they figured it'd be better to get her out of there. After 5 minutes of my actual process I had my visa extended for 2 years. I thought it was awesome since they extended it for free! FREE! So cool. Usually a student visa for one semester is 150 shekels. For multiple entry student visa its 300 shekels. I got this 2 year extension for free. Love it.
After I finished the visa and letter, I photocopied the visa and faxed everything over to Shaked. I didn't hear back from him, so I called him and was like "whatsa goin on?"(not really. i just asked if he got it) Turns out he lost it. So that set me back a week. I faxed it again immediately after talking to him, called him again this time he said he got it. I was about 2 minutes late for my midterm. Now alls I had to do was wait for a phone call from someone named Ofer. So almost a month has passed and nothing. The Mahal Email isn't working. They aren't answering their phones. Fun. Great. Just what I wanted. Well I finally got in touch with Shaked today. Only took like forever. He was shocked that I haven't heard from Ofer yet so now I'm waiting for a phone call from Ofer. So now that's all I can do is wait. If I dont hear from him by Sunday Im calling again on Sunday. I also found out that they don't give me a place to live until my draft date. So far Im good. I have the dorms. Im set until then. My enlistment party will happen before I even find out when my tests are told!
My Enlistment Party is on Friday!!! Im so excited. Im also very nervous. Yesterday David said he might not be able to make it due to the army. Bummer dude, seriously. He said he is going to do what ever he can to come. I really hope he can make it. I'd love for him to be there with me. He will get to meet the friends I have at Tel Aviv University and my other Israeli friends. His friends- who are super cool by the way- are coming. Im excited. They are awesome. I will post pictures from the party on a blog post specifically for the party.
Till then dudes, I need to make some food. Im hungry.
24 March 2010
Love and Hate
Love and hate. the world to break.
both is needed to fufill the fate.
Do not run. Do not haste.
Let it come. Let it take.
Fill the void and take a taste.
Block out one. Destroy the world.
There is no life without hate.
There is no death without love.
Accept them both and
realize the wait.
You are not alone.
both is needed to fufill the fate.
Do not run. Do not haste.
Let it come. Let it take.
Fill the void and take a taste.
Block out one. Destroy the world.
There is no life without hate.
There is no death without love.
Accept them both and
realize the wait.
You are not alone.
On Mibba this poem got me my first comment ever on any of my work. It made me feel so great because someone said it was their favorite poem. That was a really great feeling.
The Rebirth
I left my life behind.
I wanted to start over.
I figured it'd be easy.
Id make friends and have a great time.
I'd know where I'd be going, what I'd be doing.
instead a REALITY CHECK
People are not nice. People are fake. People care only about themselves.
9 months later I have a new outlook.
I have a path that I've been on this whole time.
I'm discovered.
I know where, I'm going.
Yet somehow, I'm still lost.
I still don;t know where Im going far off but I know for now.
I have my path. I've made it happen.
These horrible 9 months have passed.
I can be great.
I can be reborn.
I know I can be me.
I wanted to start over.
I figured it'd be easy.
Id make friends and have a great time.
I'd know where I'd be going, what I'd be doing.
instead a REALITY CHECK
People are not nice. People are fake. People care only about themselves.
9 months later I have a new outlook.
I have a path that I've been on this whole time.
I'm discovered.
I know where, I'm going.
Yet somehow, I'm still lost.
I still don;t know where Im going far off but I know for now.
I have my path. I've made it happen.
These horrible 9 months have passed.
I can be great.
I can be reborn.
I know I can be me.
I Walked, I Saw, I Left
I saw the world as a cold dark place.
So much hatred could be seen,
Everywhere I look. I could feel what people thought.
I could hear what they thought about their surroundings.
Body language could be read.
Body Language could be felt. It was such a sad thing to see.
Although, there was love.
Love could be seen, heard, and felt.
Such a strong power. To still be felt and seen when surrounded.
It could not be heard. People were too embarrassed. To be seen as a pussy.
Taught to not show love, the world has become a cold dark place.
I walked on this earth as though I could change it.
As though I could make a difference.
As though I could show people to love.
I hoped this world was not such a cruel place.
I hoped I could change it.
All of us consumed by greed and hate, I wanted to break free.
A hippie, no I did not want to be.
I just wanted to be happy.
I hope I can be.
Someday. One day. Happiness will happen.
The world will be a much happier place.
But then again, I think.
How can you appreciate love without experiencing hate?
I left this world with hope.
I left it with hope that somehow I made a change.
I somehow hope that I touched at least one person.
I left the fake world wondering if any of it became real.
Was I real?
Did I become real?
Or was I always real?
Did I just see the fakeness?
I walked in this world trying to show love and block out the hate.
Its so hard to block out hate when it surrounds you and tries to consume you.
I dont want to be consumed by hate.
So much hatred could be seen,
Everywhere I look. I could feel what people thought.
I could hear what they thought about their surroundings.
Body language could be read.
Body Language could be felt. It was such a sad thing to see.
Although, there was love.
Love could be seen, heard, and felt.
Such a strong power. To still be felt and seen when surrounded.
It could not be heard. People were too embarrassed. To be seen as a pussy.
Taught to not show love, the world has become a cold dark place.
I walked on this earth as though I could change it.
As though I could make a difference.
As though I could show people to love.
I hoped this world was not such a cruel place.
I hoped I could change it.
All of us consumed by greed and hate, I wanted to break free.
A hippie, no I did not want to be.
I just wanted to be happy.
I hope I can be.
Someday. One day. Happiness will happen.
The world will be a much happier place.
But then again, I think.
How can you appreciate love without experiencing hate?
I left this world with hope.
I left it with hope that somehow I made a change.
I somehow hope that I touched at least one person.
I left the fake world wondering if any of it became real.
Was I real?
Did I become real?
Or was I always real?
Did I just see the fakeness?
I walked in this world trying to show love and block out the hate.
Its so hard to block out hate when it surrounds you and tries to consume you.
I dont want to be consumed by hate.
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