I Officially Discharged!!!

So it's official!! I am officially a civilian! Today I discharged from the army. Of course it wasn't without it's drama in true IDF fashion. But! In the end it happened and that's all that matters.
Last week on the last day of Nativ, I got the papers telling me that for today I go to the discharge unit. I got there bright and early but I couldn't discharge due to some new soldier technicalities of not knowing what to do. After about 6 and a half hours of sitting and playing Coin Dozer and calling different offices to see who can help me speed up the process(which was only supposed to take 15 minutes tops) I finally walked out of the discharge unit a civilian.
I have to say the idea scared me and made me nervous and excited but now that it's actually over I feel fine. Normal, actually relieved and less stressed. I feel like I get to start a new chapter. I can start new things. I know it's only the first few hours but it's not as scary as I thought it'd be. I have work and a place to live. I know I will be okay. I'm a lot luckier then most and I did well for myself.
Im excited to see how I turn out. I learned a lot. I can only hope to use what I learn. I wonder what adventures will be in store for me. I will keep posting on here about adjusting to civilian life as an actual Olah Hadesha. I'm no longer a Lone Soldier but now a new citizen in every aspect of the term. There are bound to be adventures.
I can now post about one incident that I haven't been allowed to because of the army. That I feel like putting in a different post tomorrow.
Have a great week everyone!!! <3 Thank you for sticking through my journey with me!

YAY!!! Vacation!!! :D

Im on vacation :D I don't have to go back into the army until January. I'm very excited. I haven't used my vacation days these past 2 years except for using my Special Vacation to go back to New York. Although this last time in NY did not feel like a vacation. So it's finally here. I finally get to rest. Friday and Saturday is just not enough.
I have been working so hard to try and prove myself and to try and sign keva or become an officer that I just didn't slow down at all. I've either been talking with my "family" about important issues since apparently I'm the middle ground OR I have been stressing myself constantly working. It feels as if though my only downtime has been the 3 hours a week I babysit. I babysit the cutest little girl. I love being with her and her family. They are such great and interesting people. It's also great to watch her and how she learns new things everyday. I also learn more hebrew from her and she learns to speak english from me.
I think we left off in the last blog with my next trip back to NY. Well I finish the army in April. I don't think I can sign on keva or become an officer. It sucks. It really does. I've worked so hard to try and prove myself and have been fighting for it since I enlisted. I guess I will try one or two more times and then I will officially throw in the towel. My end date is coming up quick. Im running out of time and fast. I know that I can say that I fought all the way to the end for it. I have met a lot of people. A lot of great people and a lot of shitty people. I have many great memories and I have helped some people along the way. Im really glad that this blog has reached so many people.
I don't think I will be using my last trip to America. I finish in April then I can't leave until a month after. So I wouldn't be able to leave until very end of May. Now it's time for me to start thinking about what to do afterwards. It's very hard to think about it. I'm not sure what to do or what I want to do. It's very confusing. I can go back to NY and try and start there. Which believe me I should have a blog for that. It would be readjusting to civilian plus readjusting back to New York. I would be able to work. If I stay here I can work and then try and go to school. See how long I can last. I know a lot of people miss me back in NY but when I was there it was like I didn't come at a good time for them. So they would want me to sit around and wait for them. That to me is insulting. If you missed me so much like you say you did then make time for me like I would for you. If someone I loved came here- army or not- I would make time for them. I would take off work and do whatever I could to make their stay here enjoyable and memorable. I learned I care a lot more about people then they do me. I constantly make the most common mistake ever. I expect things from people because it's something I expect from myself. Just because I hold myself highly doesn't mean I should hold everyone at the same standard. Everyone is different. I've also learned that just because you have the same blood doesn't make you family. I've also learned that just because you don't have the same blood doesn't make you any less of a family. Family is love and being there no matter what. I know who my family is now. I know what kind of people I want in my life. (I'm also trying to write this in the most sensitive way possible so people wont be insulted.)
Although I do need to start taking care of myself and putting myself at number 1. I keep putting people I love at number 1. I also need to be more open and I need to stop pushing new people away. I feel like a part of that is, I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to make relationships just to have them thrown in my face. I guess because Im not sure of my future at the moment I have been being closed off a lot recently. It's hard. I'm learning.
I'm going to take this vacation as a learning experience. It's going to be time for me. Time for me to think and I guess kind of rediscover myself. I want to travel the country a little bit. See how that goes.
ALTHOUGH! Although if I do end up going to Course Nativ I would be traveling around the country as well anyway. It would be a great way to end my service. 3 months of just traveling around the country for free. I think that's pretty nifty. I don't know. We'll see.
There are still some friends I'd like to see. Maybe if I finally start hanging out with the people I really consider friends I can stop putting myself into such lonely positions. And maybe I will finally have the courage to say good bye to the convenient friendships that have been popping up just for the sake of saying I have a friend.
I am happy that I do have a new friend. She is the new soldier in my section. Im super glad because she is the first person in the army that has the same style and listens to the same music I do. Her name is Anna. She is such a sweetheart and a lot of fun. For the first time I actually felt like I could be normal in Israel and not just some Olah Hadesha from America. It's disgusting because there are so many people that want to use that and take advantage of it.
Well I have to go. Until next time. :)

An Important Day for the IDF: The Return of Gilad Shalit

In 2006 Hamas captured Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit. Today at 6am, October 18,2011, he has been released.

1941 days he was held in captivity. He's back.
In exchange for Gilad, Netanyahu agreed to releasing 1027 convicted terrorists. All of whom have murdered Israelis.
The families of the victims have sent many failed petitions asking not let these terrorists go free.

This is Gilad with his new rank and in the arms of his father and Benjamin Netanyahu(Israel's Prime Minister).

Going to bed last night you could feel the difference in the air. It was filled with anticipation. We were all wondering what would happen. Would everything go as planned? Will he really be coming home? 

There was also fear. Now that 1027 convicted terrorists are free- what will happen? What will happen to these families? What will these terrorists do? Hamas said that they would return to their struggle. 

The only thing that can be done now is to wait. To wait and see what happens. How many will live? How many will die? Who will attack again? When will they attack again? We know, we feel it that they will attack again. They swore their lives to the destruction of Israel.

As happy as I am to know that Israel does not leave a soldier behind and that Gilad is home and safe- what will happen to us? Was the correct choice made?

I personally have mixed feelings because I don't know whats going to happen. Im happy he's safe- but what will the terrorists do?

Here are some websites covering Gilad:

His first interview on Egyption TV

The Guardian(UK website) full coverage and timeline of the past 5 years

The start of today

Now we wait and pray for the best.

(תודה אלדד) :)

Yom Sidurim

Yom Sidurim is a day where we get off to run errands that we havent had time to do. For example going to the bank, the phone company etc...
My Yom Sidurim was not fun. I had to go to the Ministry of Interior to try and become a citizen. Apparently its smarter if you are. You get helped more. I need the help. One of the Mefakedets went with me. She really had no idea what she was doing. It was obvious she had never been there before. I needed an address and I dont have one. So I called David and asked to use his address. Turns out because I didnt use a Tel Aviv address I cant go to the Ministry in Tel Aviv. Because I used an Or Akiva address I have to go to the Ministry in Hadera. So next Yom Sidurim I have, I go to Hadera.
I had to move out of the dorms so because of this I am now homeless. I am staying at Davids house for a little bit. During the week I stay at the base. Weekends will either be at the base, Davids house, or a Beit Chayal. A beit chayal is a soldier hostel. The literal translation is Soldier House.
The Mishakitash gave me a beit chayal last week. So I went to look for it. Funny doesnt exist. If it does it is no where to be found. She never even gave me an address just bus routes. So I went to the bus and went to the towns searched the towns and asked people but funny, no one has heard or seen of it. I also saw no soldiers what so ever. I called her for 2 hours straight. Got no answer. I went back to the dorms and looked up online the hostel. Its not a hostel its a hotel apparently. Turns out I was in the right place too. She finally TEXTED not called TEXTED me asking where I was around 11.
This week I was supposed to go there again. I was smart this time. I looked for an address. The website is shut down. Also I found website reccommendations of the place. If that place is open I have no idea how. That is just horrible. No human should ever let a human have conditions like that. It was just disgusting and horrible. Dead animals, no water, no food, the staff steals your things, cat urine everywhere, broken windows and furniture. Sorry, but no. They wanted me to live there for a month or two.  I understand its only on weekends but still. No. Absolutely not. Id rather sleep on the streets. I guess Ill be sleeping on base now to get my point across.
This weekend Im going to spend it looking for apartments. I have a search to do. Ill put the guarding post with pictures up in a little bit. If not today, then tomorrow. :)
I have alot of work to do next Yom Sidurim. I know its possible to get more then once a month so Im gonna try for that.
Till the next post peeps.
Lesson Learned this week: Crying makes you feel better for a little bit but worse after and wont help you at all.

Love

Very scary. It feels so good.
It makes you feel whole.
It makes you feel empty.
You feel alive at times and dead at times.
It's in your life at all times.
You can deny it. You can hide it. It'll make you run.
You can't escape it. It's always there.
It'll drop you. It'll catch you.
Happiest when approved.
Destroyed when rejected.
The best of the world.
The worst of the world.
The scariest yet the most needed and wanted.